The Strength to Forgive

There is a parable about a servant who is deeply in debt to his master. The amount is so large that justice demands his arrest. But he begs for mercy, and the master, in his goodness, forgives the debt completely.

That same servant then finds a fellow servant who owes him only a tiny amount. Instead of showing the mercy he received, he attacks him and demands payment. When the master hears of it, he punishes the ungrateful servant.

Many of us know this parable from Matthew 18:23–35.

Forgiveness sounds simple in theory. Someone wrongs us, we forgive them, and we move on. Nothing is lost by us, and we may even benefit from letting go.
But while forgiveness is simple in theory, it is often one of the most difficult things we ever do.

Why Forgiveness Is Hard

Throughout my life, I’ve faced moments where I needed to forgive. Some were small—the arguments with my wife, or foolish decisions from my kids. Those are easier to release.

The larger wounds feel different.
The injustices that cost us opportunities…
friendships…
our good name…
or even our livelihood.

In those moments, the question rises almost instinctively:

How can I forgive them?
They cost me something. I was wronged. I deserve justice.

And that’s exactly when I have to turn my attention to the Passion of Jesus Christ.

Looking at the Cross

I highly recommend The Dolorous Passion by Blessed Anne Catherine Emmerich. It vividly illustrates the suffering of Jesus—how the Creator of all takes the sins of the world upon Himself and endures cruelty from the very people He longs to save.

They spit in His face.
They throw sharp stones in His path.
They weave a crown of thorns.
They mock Him relentlessly.

He receives the greatest injustice imaginable: the innocent condemned to a criminal’s death.

And yet, through it all, He is patient and forgiving.

He weeps—not for Himself, but for those He loves.
He continually asks His Father to forgive them.
He desires their conversion, their salvation, their eternal joy.
His very gaze softens the hearts of those who witness it.

Despite everything, He chooses to forgive and to love.

Seeing Myself Clearly

When I reflect on the injustices I’ve faced, they suddenly seem so small in comparison.

I see myself as the unforgiving servant—furious over a relatively small debt while Christ has forgiven me of infinitely more. Especially when I remember that my sins contributed to His suffering.

How can I refuse forgiveness when He has forgiven me so much?

What Forgiveness Really Means

By forgiveness, I do not mean pretending everything is fine while still harboring anger. That only buries resentment and allows it to grow. It is not virtuous to say “I forgive you” while secretly despising someone.

Forgiveness means truly willing the good of the other person.
It means desiring their salvation.
It means praying that they reach heaven.

This is real Christian forgiveness.

A Moment From My Life

I once faced a serious accusation—one that questioned my character—from someone I respected. It hurt deeply. I was angry, confused, and honestly, a little afraid.

I knew I needed to forgive, but I didn’t know how.

Eventually, I found peace in imagining us together in heaven. In heaven, everything would be understood. Every intention made clear. Every wound healed. Perfect peace. Perfect unity.

That vision allowed me to forgive.

The Call to Imitate Christ

Life is not easy. The longer we live and the more people we encounter, the more we will be wounded. Sometimes it’s accidental. Sometimes it’s malicious. But either way, Jesus has shown us how to love and forgive.

Let us follow His example, not the example of the unmerciful servant.

This Week’s Reflection

Think of someone you need to forgive.
Begin by praying for them.

Even one small prayer softens the heart.

Forge Ahead

Anvil: the place of formation.
Arrow: the mission we’re sent on.

The world needs more men formed in virtue. Forward this to a brother who’s ready to grow.

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